By A Mouth Or A Hand
by The Seventh L
Summary: Count D has always spoke of Yuuko Ichihara with respect and something Leon had rarely heard in his voice: fear. And then he meets the witch herself. /Count D/Leon; written for Springkink at Livejournal/


Count D has always spoken of Yuuko Ichihara with respect and something Leon has rarely heard in his voice: fear. Leon didn't think much of it, mainly because Count D already scared him and he didn't want to imagine someone more frightening than the Count. When he did, he imagined 'Yuuko Ichihara' as a haggard old crone lurking in the shadows, hobbling around on a cane and spitting teeth and curses at young children. The kind of witch who hated sweets.

When he met the real Yuuko Ichihara in person, sitting innocently in a long-sleeved plum kimono on the Count's couch, Leon realized how wrong he was - and that she was far more frightening that his imagination could ever conceive. She was beautiful in a cold, calm way and she seemed to blend in effortlessly with the Chinese decorations and overwhelming smell of incense.

"You must be Leon." A smile crossed her thin lips as she watched Leon enter the room.

"And you must be the dimension witch." Leon strode over and sat in the chair across from her. Her gaze felt heavy on him, and he gulped dryly. "Count D talks about you from time to time." Naturally, he never talked about what Yuuko _looked_ like. Or that she was totally stacked.

"I hope he hasn't spoken too cruelly of me." Yuuko raised one eyebrow and looked at the tea set on the table between them. "Would you?"

Leon looked aghast as he realized Yuuko meant for _him_ to serve them both tea. He did so dutifully, pouring and handing a cup of hot darjeeling tea to Yuuko with slow steady gestures. The sharp smirk on her face as she sipped from it both infuriated and turned his stomach. He wondered what kind of magic spells she would use on him if he screwed up. "Err, listen, I'm sure Count D will be back from his outing in just a moment-"

"Actually," Yuuko interjected, taking a long sip of tea before continuing, "my primary concerns are with the human who persists on hanging around the Count." She smiled. "You must be a very precious person to him."

He choked. "No way!" Leon argued. "I'm always trying to arrest him and shut down his shop! He _hates_ me!"

"I knew Count D back in the day, and he was never the type to have some irritant clinging onto him. He must enjoy your company."

Leon looked at Yuuko's calm face and wondered if she was speaking from experience, if she had someone back home whom she tolerated out of love. Not that it was the same with him and the Count. They hated each other; anybody could see that. In fact, as soon as the Count came back, he was going to give that Chinese skinny boy an earful - and maybe an arrest warrant or two, just because. He took a drink from his cup and resorted to silently sulking as he sat back in his chair. "He only keeps me around cause I amuse him."

"Amusement is important too, to us who live outside the normal realm of things." She tilted her hair, black hair falling against her neck. "Count D does not usually find solace in the presence of humans. You shouldn't take this lightly."

"Yeah, well, no one else is exactly hanging around his door on a regular basis, so why not?" Leon mumbled. He suddenly felt a little hot under the collar, wondering why this beautiful yet confusing woman kept insisting on talking about _him and Count D_ like they were an item.

"Do you like him?"

"He's . . . weird. He eats too much sugar and does devious things behind my back and teases me all the damn time."

"So you like him."

"I didn't say that!"

"If you let him do these things to you and you willingly stay in his company, you must like him somewhat."

Leon's glance dropped down onto the rippling surface of his teacup. "He's all right, for a kooky count."

For a moment, the pet shop lapsed into silence, punctuated only by the sound of sipping tea and the occasional crossing of legs. Yuuko seemed comfortable on the Count's furniture, while the chair under Leon's bottom felt rough. The light from outside was beginning to dim, and only a few of the paper lamps above their heads were lit. Leon's tea was turning cold in his clammy palms as he wondered where the hell the Count was, and why he was suddenly concerned for his well-being. When the witch began to speak, it shook him out of his thoughts.

"I met him," Yuuko said, "because he had a wish he needed fulfilling above all else. He needed my assistance, and was willing to sacrifice part of himself for it. This is why I'm here. To receive payment."

Leon blinked. "What, money? You came all this way for that?" He shrugged. "He's got lotsa rich clients coming through those doors, so he's not hurting for money." Although he hadn't really caught any money transactions, or else D would be in a jail cell awaiting a trial instead of running around Chinatown doing chores and probably gorging himself on cakes covered in icing.

The shadows in the room seemed to shift across her face; her eyes stood out against her pale skin. "I don't take money for the wishes I grant." A shiver ran down Leon's spine as she spoke. "I'm here to take his most precious person.

"And that's you."

* * *

The bell above the shop's door tinkled sweetly as Count D stepped in, bearing several bags of baked goods and with a smile on his face. Then he caught smell of the overwhelming smell of _magic_ that hung heavily in the air, and he became serious. Not too serious, of course, to carefully set down his precious sweets down on a nearby table.

When he found the source of the magic in his sitting room, Yuuko Ichihara was hovering over the frail-looking form of Detective Leon, who looked like he was on the verge of falling unconscious, his willpower the only thing keeping him awake under the influence of one of the witch's charms. The kind of charm used when you need to transport away an unwilling person.

"You would do well, Miss Ichihara, to step away from Mister Orcot." D's voice was chilly in tone, as was the look in his eye. Even so, he knew in his heart why the witch had come.

"Hello to you too, D." Yuuko's glance slid over from Leon to Count D, but she did not move. "Is that any way to great an old friend?"

"Of course. I'd offer you tea but it seems you've already had some. I'm sure I have a bottle of sake somewhere around here." Count D made no motion to retrieve any bottles; his intentions were clear.

A weak groan escaped from Leon's lips and he rolled his face slowly to look at Count D. "About time you showed up." His speech was slightly slurred from the effect of Yuuko's charm. "What t'hell is going on?"

D frowned. "Never you mind, my dear detective, it will be all over in a moment." Even as he said that, the atmosphere in the shop grew colder. He could feel the animals in the other rooms shrink away from the area, fully aware and in awe of the dimension witch's powers.

"Not until you pay the price for your wish. For this shop, which can travel through space without being noticed. That price is your most precious person." Yuuko shifted her eyes back over to Leon, who was doing his best to look tough while slouched dimly in his chair. "You have managed to not pay for many many years but now here is the proof that you are ready to pay me."

Count D took a step forward. "Yuuko."

"Count. Are you going to contest my decision?" Yuuko reached down with one manicured hand and took Leon's chin between her fingers, tilting it up so he was looking into the woman's face. D felt like his stomach was twisting into cold knots inside his body. It should have been _his_ hand upon the dear detective's face, fingers splayed lightly against pale peach skin. The glazed look in Leon's eyes was sickening and very not-Leon.

"Yes." Count D looked at Leon, and his eyes were unfeeling. He seemed to be regarding the other man as one would a worm on the ground, or a piece of old furniture. "Detective Orcot is not my most precious person. I have none. Especially not him."

"Really?"

"Detective Orcot is a persistantly dull-witted menace in my life whom I've been unsuccessful in shaking loose." Count D shook his head as if to illustrate his point. "He amuses me with his childish displays of anger and grandiose beliefs in mortal justice and morality, but that is where it ends."

Yuuko let go of Leon's head, which fell back with a surprised _thump_ against the top of the chair. She rose into a standing position, towering over the blond man's form with ease. "You expect me to believe that?"

D examined the witch with an interested eye. "It is the truth. I'd tell you to ask Orcot himself, but it seems he's incapacitated at the moment. Pity - he's usually such a big talker. Loud, too." He winced as if hearing Leon's loud tones. "Typical human male machismo."

"Shut up," Leon said. His voice still sounded weak, but he managed to move into a sitting position; the charm still weighed heavily on him. "D, you bastard, what are you saying?"

Count D looked upon Leon with a piteous expression. "As you can see, he does not respect me even in my own shop. I would kick him out, but he only comes back angrier every time. I can't stand it."

Yuuko glanced between the Count, who looked calm, and Leon who was writhing around in his seat with a red face, sputtering garbled nonsense. She seemed almost sad to see what was going on. "You hate him?"

"I hate him," D said simply.

Leon lifted his head up as one last act of defiance. "I hate you too," he spat - and there was no hiding the intense hurt on his face.

In seconds, Count D was upon him, one hand pressed roughly against the man's forehead. "Sleep." Leon did not have much time to protest before the odd energy sprang from his hand and knocked him out in seconds. He looked at Yuuko and frowned. "The man sleeping here is only present because he is a detective from the LAPD and I am a suspect in many of his cases."

Yuuko smirked. "Been sticking your nose into other people's business again?"

"Only as much as you have, dear witch." D smiled thinly.

She stepped back until she was in the middle of the room. "It's been . . . interesting," Yuuko said, "but I'm afraid I've got more pressing issues at hand. I have a date with travelers from another dimension and I can't be late." A white glyph appeared under her feet. "Feel free to write, won't you?"

"Of course." D raised his hand to wave good-bye. "I'll send you some local made bon bons through the usual channels."

Yuuko smiled. "Don't think I won't be waiting for my payment, dear Count." And with that, silver smoke rose up and enveloped her completely, vanishing in seconds and taking her with it. Count D watched the glyph disappear after it, his heart beginning to beat several times faster than before. She was gone. And now, on top of everything else, he owed her bon bons.

* * *

Leon woke up, head throbbing and limbs heavy from lingering sparks of magic, to find himself lying on D's couch, a light flower-printed duvet spread over his chest and up to his neck. He looked about groggily then closed his eyes - the lights from all the newly lit lanterns were making his headache worse. He saw through the black spots slowly clearing from his sight that the tea set from earlier was gone, and the Count was nowhere in sight. Or the witch with the cold eyes.

_The Count_. His headache dimmed as a new emotion overcame him: anger. Anger at what D had said about him, and how he had simply just sat there and let the Count say so many stupidly hurtful things. Hearing him say such things without being able to really counter his claims got at him deeply and hurt him in a way he had never been wounded before.

The sound of Chinese slippers shuffling over plush carpets brought Leon to attention. He looked up to see the Count standing over him, eyebrows stitched together in grave concern. It seemed he had changed while the detective was out, and he was now wearing a darkly-colored cheongsam with dull stitching. Even his usually shiny hair looked oddly limp and dull against his skin.

"My dear detective." Count D reached down as if to draw back the duvet, but Leon pushed it away roughly.

"Fuck you."

The words sent D back several steps in surprise. "What?"

Leon got to his feet, stumbled, then regained his footing. He looked the Count square in the eyes as he repeated it: "_Fuck you_." He pushed Count D out of the way, nearly sending the Chinese man sprawling on the coffee table. Leon moved to leave the shop - forever, by the looks of it - but was pulled back harshly by the Count.

"Don't go." D hung his head as he spoke, one hand holding onto Leon's shirt sleeve. "Please."

The detective twisted around in D's grasp to look at him, then winced at the sight of the Count looking so - well, pathetic. And depressing, to boot. Not the usual image Leon was used to, which was either arrogant and smarmy or giggly and high on sweets. No, Leon told himself, it wasn't his fault; he would not be swayed by this off-kilter show of emotion.

"You treated me like crap, like I was nothing! I mean, shit, what are we? I thought we - I thought we were friends." Leon stumbled slightly over the word 'friends' as he had never really used it in such a context. But he still meant it. "But you just think I'm lower'n the dirt on your shoes."

"Leon."

"I hate you." He managed to escape D's grip and took several steps back. The man's slender fingers had left soft imprints in the fabric of his shirt. "You've got ten seconds to explain why I shouldn't just arrest you and forget all about you."

Count D looked up. "You're a detective. You understand that sometimes . . . you have to lie to get what you want, or to save a case. For me, I had to lie in order to save my 'case'."

"Your most pr-"

"Don't say it." D held up one finger to silence him. "She might hear you, somehow. But yes, I had to lie to save _you_."

All the anger and rage drained form Leon's body in one big drain, replaced by an encompassing feeling of numbness - or something better described as 'what the crap is happening here?'. "You lied."

"I lied." D nodded. "They were all lies so that Yuuko would not spirit you away to her shop in Japan and become part of her force of indentured servitudes."

"You didn't mean a word of what you said."

"That is the definition of lying, my dear detective, as far as I know." Count D looked at Leon. "The truth is the exact opposite of what I said before."

Leon's shoulders dropped in defeat. "Shit. I'm-"

Count D's finger came up again and landed square against Leon's lips, keeping them shut. "Do not bother trying to apologize, Mister Orcot. I know it's difficult for you. It was difficult for me to say those things. I think we're even."

Leon nodded, not willing to tell D to move his finger. He didn't want it to move. When it did move, it was so Count D could take the other man's hand in his, eliciting a gulp from the blond. "Ah. Yeah. Even." Complete sentences failed him in the heat of the moment.

"I must admit," D said, "I did not expect Yuuko to be so . . . direct towards you. The woman has never been the touching type, except when with her old lover Clow Reed. And yet she put her hands all over your face. I imagine that her nails made you nervous."

Even Leon couldn't help but laugh. "Yeah, I kept expecting one of them to poke an eye out. They were like tiny painted claws."

"Birds with claws are beautiful, too." As he said that, Leon realized that Count D had manicured nails like Yuuko, albeit unpainted, but his weren't scary. "If she comes around again, I'll make sure to protect you from them."

Leon snorted. "I'm the one with a gun here, Count D."

"Then you will have to be the one to protect me, my dear detective." Count D smiled. "I've no doubt in my mind Yuuko will come back to get her payment sooner than later."

"Yeah, you should have told me about the wish," Leon groused. "It would have been nice to know."

Count D leaned in, squeezing Leon's hand and sending a light shade of blush through the man's face. "What else do you need to know?" he teased, a spark in his eyes. "What do you need me to do?"

Leon gulped. He felt like he was sweating; his hand felt hot in D's grasp, but it wasn't a bad heat. "First off. Call me Leon."

"Of course. Leon." Hearing his name fall from Count D's lips so casually was enough to make Leon break out into a genuine cold sweat. "Anything else?"

"I'd have to think about it."

Count D nodded, then took Leon's other hand in his. "I'll be waiting for your response."

"Do . . . " Leon faltered for a second. "Do you have any appointments for the rest of the day?"

"Barring any unforeseen circumstances?" D thought for a second. "No, detective, I am free until the morning."

"Well, good." Leon let go of Count D's hands - and then he took hold of the man's slender shoulders as Leon kissed him. It was rough and unsatisfactory, so it was that as soon as Leon pulled back (mostly out of surprise of his own actions) that Count D pulled him back in, all soft lips and big kisses trailing off into small nibbles and embarrassing moans on Leon's part.

In what felt like a lifetime of kisses later, Leon pulled back long enough to say, "You're still going to make up for all those things you said, you understand?" and watched the Count nod happily before Leon pushed him back onto the couch and continued to kiss him all over his lips, his neck, even his hands.

"Detective," Count D moaned as Leon's tongue swirled wet patterns on flesh exposed from his now-open cheongsam. "How exactly am I going to make everything up to you?"

Leon leaned up until his face was directly above D's. "Take those hands of yours and put them on my face," he ordered, face flushed as he said it. "And then other stuff too, dummy, but first that."

Count D smiled and reached up to softly grasp Leon's face with his tapered fingers. "I know, Leon. I know." He watched Leon become flustered at the sound of his own name and it only further encouraged her. "Oh, Leon. Do you know what a famous playwright from your country once said?"

"W-wha?" Leon frowned. This was not very sexy foreplay at _all_.

"He said," D said, pulling Leon's face closer to his own, "_devils can be driven out of the heart by the touch of a hand on a hand, or a mouth on a mouth." _And then he pressed his mouth onto Leon's, driving away all remnants of Yuuko - psychologically and magically - out of Leon's thoughts. Even as Leon's calloused hands moved down and below the count's clothes and sent shockwaves through the man's body from his touch, D's hands never strayed from his special someone's face until the very end.

When Leon briefly lowered his head to do certain things below the waist that sent Count D into paroxysms of pleasure, it brought upon a sudden moment of clarity for the Count and he realized that maybe this was all in Yuuko's masterplan after all, in some twisted kind of scheme to force her old friend to finally reveal his true emotions to his one special person without realizing what was happening. And then Leon did some amazingly stunning thing with his tongue that he'd read in one of his dirty magazines, and it literally blew the Count's mind until all he could think about was his dear detective doing that again - a lot.

The most surprising thing about the day? In the end, Count D completely forgot about his sweets sitting by the door. They ended up being gobbled down the next day by a walking manjū with small eyes and a humongous mouth who somehow walked into the shop, ate the whole bag, and then left. Its only audience was a half-asleep Leon and a slightly more awake Count D, who had both fallen asleep on the couch together in another act of unusual behavior on both their parts.

"Oh," Count D noted. "She took her bon bons." At the confused look on Leon's face, D decided it was more fun to let that pass without explanation - Leon looked rather adorable when confounded. Then D reminded Leon he had to be getting to work and lying back on the couch while watching the other man scurry about half-clothed trying to make a plausible excuse for his boss was worth everything.


End file.
